Whoever said breastfeeding is easy is a complete idiot. I went into pregnancy saying our son would be formula fed, and then someone did a Jedi mind trick on me, and I wound up breastfeeding. It didn't come easy, it does hurt until you get used to it, and the lactation consultant at the hospital is 3 overly energetic, neo-Nazi fries short of a Happy Meal. Yet as much as I hate it, as much I detest hooking myself up to a pump 3 times a day, I continue. Why? Because I want my son - who is 3 months old this week, and has yet to be sick - to continue to get my antibodies and thrive. There's nothing wrong with formula; in fact, we supplement because my boobs just don't produce enough to handle his demand. Plus, everything I have read says that breastfed babies are less picky eaters. Think about it - he's got a smorgasbord on the boob, whereas formula is one constant flavor. That's gotta be boring.
The supplements didn't work for me to up my supply to where he needs it, but I figure something is better than nothing, so I continue. If nothing else, my to-read shelf is getting smaller, as I can get a chapter or two read in a book in the 15-20 minutes I'm hooked up to the pump 3 times a day (plus a power pump every now and then).
I've said numerous times I was quitting, and until this morning, I was actively trying to quit. I had knocked down my pumps to two a day and was slathering on peppermint oil like it was my job - yet I was still netting 9-10 ounces a pump. I've been praying relentlessly about this thing that has had my very soul in torment the last three months - to stop or not to stop - and I figure I'll keep going until either my girls tap out or until March 1st, as it takes a few weeks to actively and efficiently wean. So, I've added a pump time - 4:30 am, 12:30 pm, and 8:30 pm - in the hopes that I can get back into the swing of things and keep him on some breast milk (probably not exclusively fed) until his first birthday. I also plan to exclusively breastfeed him on weekends, and any milk pumped over the weekend can help build a stash for the time period I plan to dry up.
Will I want to quit again in a day or more? Probably. Will I? Doubtful, as I keep bullying myself into continuing. If there's one thing I am, it's stubborn. I'll be putting my mint oil away for now, and continuing on. Here's hoping I can hit my goal. I'm sure my husband is tired of my back and forth, but I can't help it. I want this kid to have the best start to life I can give him, and this is it.
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