Dreams and a revelation

I gave up on a dream today. I never give up on dreams - I may allow them to change and roll with them, but for the first time in my memory, I just flat gave up.

I went into the MLIS program thinking I'd become a digital librarian. That idea evolved into becoming an archivist, which I would still like to do, but the classes taught me that my heart lies with librarianship. I love the interaction with the patrons, the questions, the feeling of absolute triumph when I locate the answer. When I worked in public libraries, I loved the little kids telling me about books they had read, were interested in, or the excitement that was etched on their faces as they picked up a hold. I have an email that I printed out and stuck in my wallet; a patron thanking me for essentially doing my job, but what I had done - in her eyes - was help her nurture her son's new found love for a book series, which turned him into a reader. I carry this email to remind myself on the bad days why it is I do this, why I get up at 6 (ok, 6:30) every day to come open up a library and wait for the questions, or the requests for help in finding something.

Today, however, that email won't help me out. I graduated in August - the 16th, to be exact - with my Masters in Library and Information Science. The concentration was in archives, but I dabbled a little in some of the digital libraries courses. I didn't particularly care for my time at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee, as the majority of instructors I came across seemed to not care, had a god/holier than thou complex, or were just too freaking hard to get in touch with. One instructor actually waited so long to grade anything in the class that he was way late turning grades in. The whole class wound up with a zero, and he had to appeal all our grades on our behalf, and turn them in 2 weeks late. I wound up with an A, but you can imagine the panic that ensued when I saw that 0 staring me in the face. UWM offers what is called a CAS - Certificate of Advanced Study. I may be a glutton for punishment to even consider it after cramming both a Bachelors and Masters into 4 years of hard studying, and to even think of getting it from one place I consider a bane of my existence, but they offer it in digital libraries. For a month, I considered it but told no one. For another month, I researched the cost and how many credit hours it would take to obtain this. Finally, this past Friday, I emailed my MLIS advisor with questions. She was able to answer a few, but referred the rest to this particularly snooty woman, who informed me of the following:

Chelsie,

The intent of the CAS programs, per the Graduate School catalog, is:

The Certificate of Advanced Study (CAS) in Digital Libraries is designed to help working professionals update their knowledge and develop specialty relating to the acquisition, organization and maintenance of digital content, virtual collections and services. It will enable students to either alter the direction of a career path or to enrich, update, and strengthen their skills and their knowledge of their field.

They were not developed with new MLS graduates in mind.  That said, we've had a number of students complete CAS coursework and get the certificate.  However, you cannot reduce the number of required credits with courses taken as part of the MLIS with the exception of one three credit course so you would need 12 credits.

Alex

The two sentences I have problems with in her response are "...designed to help working professionals...." and "They were not developed with new MLS graduates in mind." Here's why: I am a working professional. I am an academic librarian for Purdue University. I get up every morning and open the library at 8 sharp, and I don't go home until 5. Also, if this program was not developed for new MLS graduates in any way, shape, or form, then who was it developed for? Librarians that have been in the field for 5+ years? Oh wait! That's me! I've been in the library field, with a degree (be it Associates, Bachelors, or MLS) since August of 2010. 

So, why am I not fighting this tooth and nail? Because the tuition for all 4 classes (only one will transfer from my MLS) is around $13,000. Since it is only for a certificate, and not a degree, I can't get financial aid. I really don't want more financial aid piled on top of the mess we have to pay back for our other degrees, and it would take forever and a second job or two to pay for it out of pocket. If I'm going to be putting money like that toward something, it will be to kill off our current debt. Then there's the whole kid thing - we'll be officially trying to expand our family in July, and if there is one thing I was adamant about during the MLIS, it's that babies and homework don't mix well. So, knowing me and the fact that if I didn't do this now, I'd never do it, I'm giving up on it. Maybe I can find some on the job training of some sort to help quench this particular thirst in me. 

After all this, though, I don't feel bad about giving up on this particular dream. I have another to fill the void, and that's to have a family of my own, spending time with my husband without homework getting in the way. Thanks for the memories, UWM. I won't miss you.